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Evil "As" by OokamiKasumi Evil "As" by OokamiKasumi
WHY is "As" so Evil?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"As" is one of the most common mistakes in fiction writing--and the most difficult bad habit to lose--BECAUSE it works with the way we speak --> Equation form.

Equation Form:
~~~~~~~~~~~
Character + Character = Action/Impact > (which is greater than) Setting.

Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~
--> Jack + Betty = Laughed > (which is more important than) they ate.

Jack and Betty laughed as they ate.
~~~~~~~~~~~

This is not only how we Speak, it's how reports and all other non-fiction are supposed to be written, so it's how we are taught to write in School.

However, this is NOT how STORIES are written. Stories are written in Domino Effect form:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 and 2 caused 3 and 4 caused 5 and 6 caused 7 and 8.

This happened, which triggered this, which caused this, which resulted in this...

Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~
--> Jack and Betty happened, which made them eat, which caused them to laugh.

Jack and Betty ate and laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~

It's a simple case of Writing what we're used to Hearing. However it's also one of the ways that editors use to judge the skill of a writer.

In other words...
-- Equation Form Writing = AMATEUR

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information on The Evil "As" and why it's so bad, go Here: Basic Sentence Structure for FICTION. Read that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Special thank you to !Cenakuu for her Shiny Stamp Template.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpepper131361:
pepper131361 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
are you an english teacher
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Professional Writer
Nope, I'm a Fiction teacher. :)
Reply
:icon1st-hashirama-senju:
1st-Hashirama-Senju Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013

What you said makes so much sense. The word “As” can mess up sentence order in action.

 

I am guilty of using it that way, will not do it in action scenes since it would mess it up.

 

Can you use the word “As” in dialogue, like when a character is telling about something, like telling the main character about what happened when he or she was away?

Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Professional Writer
We're all guilty of using 'As' that way in the beginning because that's how we use it in conversation.

Can you use the word “As” in dialogue...?
Absolutely! You can use anything at all in dialogue because people do Not speak with perfect grammar -- unless they're Teachers.
Reply
:iconkayanne21:
kayanne21 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is some genuinely good advice. Thank you.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Well, I hate to give Bad advice, but that doesn't seem to be stopping anyone else...

I'm glad you like it!
Reply
:iconkayanne21:
kayanne21 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It stopped me. :)
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Professional Writer
LOL!
Reply
:iconscootie-chan:
Scootie-chan Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I must use this. ^^
This will be great for my editing. ^__^
Thank you~<3
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional Writer
"As" used to be a major problem for me too. Then I got a cruel, but helpful editor.
Reply
:iconscootie-chan:
Scootie-chan Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahah it was? xD
Well, judging from the advice you give, your editor sure did help. ^_^
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional Writer
I wouldn't have over 30 titles to my name if my editors hadn't helped me. :)
Reply
:iconscootie-chan:
Scootie-chan Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heheh maybe I should get an editor someday too. xD
Only when I get better though~<3
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional Writer
You get an editor when you're published. That's who the editor works for: The Publisher, not the author.
Reply
:iconscootie-chan:
Scootie-chan Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh~
Okay. ^__^
That'll be a while. xD
I'm still fixing One Day. lol
Reply
:icondarkholymagic:
DarkHolyMagic Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah I really do need to work on this. The problem is, sometimes I used the word 'as' in the same way as 'because' which sort of works in the same way as this... it's a bit confusing.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Professional Writer
Well, we use "as" in our daily language when we speak. It's only natural that it sneaks into what we write too.

Correct! "Because" can easily make a sentence come out backwards too. However, it doesn't happen quite so often for the simple reason that "because" tends to show up in Dialogue more than say, in an action scene where Word Order is extremely important to make the picture clear in the reader's mind.
Reply
:iconobsidianz:
obsidianz Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012   General Artist
I do this all the time.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Professional Writer
I used to, until my editor had a screaming fit over it.
Reply
:iconobsidianz:
obsidianz Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012   General Artist
Hmm, that would be a tad unpleasant.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Professional Writer
It was, believe me.
Reply
:iconvitaessesum:
Vitaessesum Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Now that I think about it, would one be able to replace 'As' with 'While' in the example you gave in the description?

Instead of 'Jack and Betty laughed as they ate,' replace it with 'Jack and Betty laughed while they ate.'

Would that make any sense, or am I being retarded? I also agree that the Evil 'As' is a hard habit to lose. I hate the word 'as' by itself, it reminds me of Az.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Professional Writer
Jack and Betty laughed while they ate.

Whether you use an "as" or a "while", the fact that Jack and Betty ate needs to come first because that's what happened first.

While they ate, Jack and Betty laughed.

THAT is what the evil "as" does, it makes you write your sentences in the reverse order of what actually happened.

Remember, stories are Movies played in the imagination. To keep the movie running smoothly for your reader, events NEED to be written in the actual order they happen.
Reply
:iconvitaessesum:
Vitaessesum Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah I just realised what I said might be wrong.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Professional Writer
I used to get to wrong too -- then my editor chewed me out for about 20 minutes. Now I'm terrified of getting it wrong.
Reply
:iconvitaessesum:
Vitaessesum Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So no 'as' at all in creative writing? Even in dialogue? If so, I'll make sure to be careful not to type it. Though I guess the first draft doesn't matter with the 'as's at first because it'll be revised sooner or later.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Professional Writer
Dialogue is Different.
-- People just don't talk in grammatically perfect sentences so it's perfectly acceptable to make any sort of grammar flub in dialogue -- including bad spelling!

Creative writing is creative writing. Creative = you can do as you like. My tips come from what I've been taught as a professional author. The rules are far more strict.
Reply
:iconvitaessesum:
Vitaessesum Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I guess so.

For dialogue it's true, round where I live, people can't even pronounce things properly, and that's not including accents. >_>
Reply
:iconskittlebittle:
SkittleBittle Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011  Hobbyist
I'm not even an average person when it comes to intelligence...and even I understood that. Thanks very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011  Professional Writer
Even so, you wouldn't believe how many professional authors do miss it.
Reply
:iconskittlebittle:
SkittleBittle Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011  Hobbyist
Hahaha. That just goes to show that no one's perfect. C:
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011  Professional Writer
If I find anyone that Is perfect, I am dragging them into a dark alley and beating the crap out of them, out of sheer jealousy.
Reply
:iconskittlebittle:
SkittleBittle Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011  Hobbyist
Hahahaaha. Can I come watch and film it?
Then I'll post it on youtube. =D
I'd do that same thing! Wait, if they're THAT perfect, the must either be Gods/Aliens or Robots.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011  Professional Writer
...if they're THAT perfect, the must either be Gods/Aliens or Robots.

In other words: Not Human.
-- It's not fair that Non-humans get to be Perfect humans and actual humans can't even come close.
Reply
:iconskittlebittle:
SkittleBittle Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011  Hobbyist
Haha. I know right? We get the short end of the stick when it comes to that.
Eradicate all those who are perfect. C<
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2011  Professional Writer
Exactly!
Reply
:icondpshrineinclosetgirl:
DPshrineINclosetGirl Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This was interesting and helpful, thanks!
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2011  Professional Writer
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconsentient-zombie:
sentient-zombie Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2010
Oh and we rarely use passive. Very rarely.
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010  Professional Writer
Maybe I should learn to Read Russian too!
-- Can't stand Passive voice.
Reply
:iconsentient-zombie:
sentient-zombie Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
Not Russian.
Reply
:iconsentient-zombie:
sentient-zombie Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2010
There is no good translation for as in my language (Serbian), because the word itself doesn't exist.
The thing we use are tenses "glagolski prilog sadašnji" and "glagolski prilog prošli" (uhh verbal[?] adverb present and verbal adverb past), so it's clear from the verb itself that it's the setting, not the action.
I don't write fiction, but I read guides on it, to understand English better.

And language barrier is a tough thing to handle. In Serbian, lots of things are obvious from the word itself (such as: tense, relation, gender, number etc), so a short sentence in our language becomes a loooong one in English. Plus, you don't have optiative mood, many cases, and many aspects.

The language barrier may be the reason I keep making text-walls. C:
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010  Professional Writer
Maybe I should learn to write in Russian? It seems a lot more Direct.
Reply
:iconsentient-zombie:
sentient-zombie Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
Russian!=Serbian.
Reply
:iconclampfan101:
clampfan101 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm still not quite sure I understand the whole thing... *feels slow/dumb XP*
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2010  Professional Writer
There's a longer explanation in the author comment at the bottom and a link to a tutorial.
Reply
:iconboichick:
BoiChick Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010
Ohhhh... I use "as" a lot in stories I write. Never really sounds right. I am going to keep this in mind! I actually forgot about the "Action - Reaction" thing. o.o

So thank'ya for making this. 8D
Reply
:iconookamikasumi:
OokamiKasumi Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010  Professional Writer
Yeah, Action > Reaction is kind of helpful when you want your readers to picture your story clearly. *grin*

I'm glad you liked my little reminder.
Reply
:iconboichick:
BoiChick Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010
Yes it is. *nods* >w<
Reply
:icondevere:
deVere Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2010
I absolutely love this one! A lot of my writing friends have to see it :boogie:
Reply
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