"As" is one of the most common mistakes in fiction writing--and the most difficult bad habit to lose--BECAUSE it works with the way we speak --> Equation form.
Character + Character = Action/Impact > (which is greater than) Setting.
--> Jack + Betty = Laughed > (which is more important than) they ate.
Jack and Betty laughed as they ate.
This is not only how we Speak, it's how reports and all other non-fiction are supposed to be written, so it's how we are taught to write in School.
However, this is NOT how STORIES are written. Stories are written in Domino Effect form:
1 and 2 caused 3 and 4 caused 5 and 6 caused 7 and 8.
This happened, which triggered this, which caused this, which resulted in this...
--> Jack and Betty happened, which made them eat, which caused them to laugh.
Jack and Betty ate and laughed.
It's a simple case of Writing what we're used to Hearing. However it's also one of the ways that editors use to judge the skill of a writer.
In other words...
-- Equation Form Writing = AMATEUR
For more information on The Evil "As" and why it's so bad, go Here: Basic Sentence Structure for FICTION. Read that.
Special thank you to !Cenakuu for her Shiny Stamp Template.
I don't assume this is correct, but I'm not finding a good way to fix it.
I was also wondering about 'as if'. For example; Sitting down, the boy began to pack his stuff as if class had just ended.
What you said makes so much sense. The word “As” can mess up sentence order in action.
I am guilty of using it that way, will not do it in action scenes since it would mess it up.
Can you use the word “As” in dialogue, like when a character is telling about something, like telling the main character about what happened when he or she was away?
Can you use the word “As” in dialogue...?
Absolutely! You can use anything at all in dialogue because people do Not speak with perfect grammar -- unless they're Teachers.
I'm glad you like it!
This will be great for my editing. ^__^
Well, judging from the advice you give, your editor sure did help. ^_^
Correct! "Because" can easily make a sentence come out backwards too. However, it doesn't happen quite so often for the simple reason that "because" tends to show up in Dialogue more than say, in an action scene where Word Order is extremely important to make the picture clear in the reader's mind.
Instead of 'Jack and Betty laughed as they ate,' replace it with 'Jack and Betty laughed while they ate.'
Would that make any sense, or am I being retarded? I also agree that the Evil 'As' is a hard habit to lose. I hate the word 'as' by itself, it reminds me of Az.
Whether you use an "as" or a "while", the fact that Jack and Betty ate needs to come first because that's what happened first.
While they ate, Jack and Betty laughed.
THAT is what the evil "as" does, it makes you write your sentences in the reverse order of what actually happened.
Remember, stories are Movies played in the imagination. To keep the movie running smoothly for your reader, events NEED to be written in the actual order they happen.
-- People just don't talk in grammatically perfect sentences so it's perfectly acceptable to make any sort of grammar flub in dialogue -- including bad spelling!
Creative writing is creative writing. Creative = you can do as you like. My tips come from what I've been taught as a professional author. The rules are far more strict.
Then I'll post it on youtube.
I'd do that same thing! Wait, if they're THAT perfect, the must either be Gods/Aliens or Robots.
In other words: Not Human.
-- It's not fair that Non-humans get to be Perfect humans and actual humans can't even come close.
The thing we use are tenses "glagolski prilog sadašnji" and "glagolski prilog prošli" (uhh verbal[?] adverb present and verbal adverb past), so it's clear from the verb itself that it's the setting, not the action.
I don't write fiction, but I read guides on it, to understand English better.
And language barrier is a tough thing to handle. In Serbian, lots of things are obvious from the word itself (such as: tense, relation, gender, number etc), so a short sentence in our language becomes a loooong one in English. Plus, you don't have optiative mood, many cases, and many aspects.
The language barrier may be the reason I keep making text-walls. C:
So thank'ya for making this. 8D